Its 10:19 at night and I will look again at the clock when I am finished...
T = Too... too much to think, translate, take in, trouble, time, tenure, or tell.
think - I think too much about things and that tends to get me frazzled.
translate- sometimes the translation of the thoughts from my heart to my mind and out in my speech of the depth that I have within gets me in trouble with relationships and even God.
Take in - the changes that have been happening at work have been hard to take in and have had a tremendous affect on my attitude and things in the translation area...
Trouble - my heart and mind are often troubled and when this happens its hard for me to tend to the things that are pressing and necessary to accomplish
Time - there does not seem to be enough of it.
Tenure - I wish that I had greater tenure on my team at work because then I might have the opportunity to take in more time at work and assist me in my peace of mind. This is in opposition though, of how I believe the Lord is Testing...
Testing - its not pass or fail... its strength training and every little bit helps.
Tell - I want to be able to tell my children's children that I succeeded in establishing a precedent for a good life and opportunity for them... I desire first that they know Christ... and pray for the days when they walk with Him. Granted this thought is because I am studying Gerontology in my coursework and has me reviewing my own life and wondering when I reach my older adulthood if the legacy and foundation that I lay will reach to generations beyond me.
I = interest, impossible, irony.
Interest. - perhaps there is not a lot of interest in the money that we wish to save but hopefully over time the investment that I am making in school is going to reap a benefit.
Impossible - There are many moments in my life when I thought things might be impossible, but I am still alive and the impossible was possible with the Lord Jesus. I don't know how or why I have experienced some things in life, but I do know that I have a God who is personal and believes in me and desires to entrust me with His word each day that I may grow from it in understanding and reach out to others with it. I don't constantly succeed, but my walk with Christ is dependent and unmoving in the grace that he provides. He is my unending constant shield from the travails of this life and I pray each day that I not forget within my humanity and tendency to think of the woe of the world that Jesus death on the cross makes it possible to believe in Him for salvation, receive him into my heart, and grow in peace knowing that I am destined for a new home in eternity that is given my a good God. I hope that people understand that its not my goodness that will get me to heaven, but rather Gods goodness that is a gif that allows me to live a life that I cannot attain or succeed at on my own. So the impossible is possible with God.
Irony - my belief provides moments of trust that have no explanation other than that I desire to believe in God because He has not failed me and I believe that he never will.
R= Relief, realness, raucous ranting.
Relief - I am so glad that I am not responsible for my personal salvation from the wrath of a holy God. I am covered by the blood of Christ and have become a saint that is part of his family. Sure, I still sin, but all of my reprehensibleness is no longer something that I have to pay the price for. I am privileged to know Christ paid it all as a ransom that suffices to convey and cover all my evil, darkness, and shame.
Realness- I am able to be real because I am free from my own attempts to be anything but who I am. I believe that being real is something that is an art and is rare in this age because people are taught to hide their inadequacy and only display their triumphs. My inadequacy is actually a place where Christ Jesus shines. My only triumph does not rest in my own power, but in the power Christ provides to vanquish my shortcomings and strengthen me in the ways that I am unbecoming and ugly.
Raucous Ranting - I find that I do not rant about the injustice that Christ received but about the fact that I was cut off in traffic, or that there is an inequality at work for some reason, or that I am seen as a workhorse, and others have a tendency to take advantage of my ethic, therefore when its revealed that there is no such thing as fair... I rant and I rave... but to what end and what means... I am tired of hearing my own voice shout and reveal the wretch that I am as I do so much out of selfish ambition and when I view others are doing the same and it takes from me, disengages or strikes me from my direction and removes me from my path that I desire... I don't accept the new direction, but rather rant and rave... I don't want to hear myself raucously rant... it destroys an opportunity to witness to others. Its emotionally draining too, to no good end.
ED = education, eddy, erectile dysfunction...???
Education - its important but some of the things that i know about it is not that I learned what was needed to survive from what I studied, rather that I learned more about time and responsibility from the assignments and realized my need to be a contributor to society so that in some small way the cause of Jesus would be known by people who know me.
Eddy- right now I don't feel so good because I feel that I am in a shallow pond or eddy of a stream of abundance... I feel caught up and away from the rush and freedom that there is in the larger pools and stream, but that there is a lull in the travels and that I am sitting and enduring what I am experiencing only to hope that my transport of life would break free and be able to experience the joy and rapids of life... I don't understand recently why disappointments have been compounded and I have taken a negative outlook. I want to get back to the rippling brook and the gurgle of waters that are cleansing and whole.
ED -- the last comment was just a funny as I realized that E.D. is something that people deal with and something that science says that we can overcome with the help of meds...
Its 11:07... gotta sleep.
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