3 weeks...

so there were 3 weeks of no classes for me... and 3 weeks of class for Amy that are coming to a halt by the end of this week... wow what a difference in schedules we have had. It has really helped me know that Amy thinks the world of me since I have been at home and able to take the time to meet needs for her. I am glad that somehow the Lord worked it out that we would not both be in school during this time. That might have sunk the Titanic had be both had to deal with the stress. I am officially back in class for the summer. This is going to be a good class. As I have continued to make steady progress toward finishing in May of 2010 I have begun to develop friendships with the others in my class. It has been good to struggle with each other and know each other in ways that have bonded us. There are stories that bond us together and keep us moving. We compare notes with each other and give our opinions when we can, but that is always something to laugh at because every counselor has their own opinion and is able to openly accept the others point of view at the same time... lot of smart people relating skilled people in the classes... sometimes they amaze me and I feel so great to be a part of people who are passionate about changing so they can help others. That is the essential of what I got today when I went back to class. We are taking a course together that requires us to review what we know of ourselves at a deep level within a 15 - 20 page paper. It may seem daunting, but really its not too bad for me to come up with something... the real task for me is going to be finding the right words to convey they meaning that I truly desire to choose. SO I am looking forward to the task and glad that I am able to explore even more of myself if I am committed to answering the questions given in the best, and most possible honest way.

I actually was asked a ice breaker question this evening that really flipped me on a edge that I did not expect. the question was something along the lines of what I believed that my friends would say about me. What kind of character would they describe me to be. It was quite interesting and embarrassing at the same time to hear myself start to reveal that my relationship with my co-workers is what I first thought of. It was embarrassing because I basically said that I believed that my co-workers would say that I am a liar and a cheat and I don't tell the truth all the time. I thought how funny this must have sounded to the class to be calling myself such things, but honestly it came to mind because in truth I really wish that my co-workers were not just work friends and people that I am constantly in competition with. I would rather have them as friends that are able to be like the classmates that I have described above. Somehow through the time there I have also been so convicted of my witness to the people that I work with. I have become ashamed of my actions at times and questioned my motives for choosing to work in such a dynamic position. I know that when I have tried to look elsewhere God has continued to hold me in the same place and tell me that I am where I need to be and perhaps that he is not finished with me yet. Its a refining process that I am recognizing and learning and I have not enjoyed the job or what the Lord has been doing in my life to this point while I have worked in the environment that I work. But I continue to know that Jesus is taking care of me and Amy through the thick and thin... lately it seems more thin, but that is probably my own skin that I have allowed to grow and tear and become more fragile. I don't know what the right answer is, but I do know that I am suppose to bow in submission to my Creator and grant him the honor due his name for allowing me to live and survive where I am at in the midst of a job that is not something that I proudly tell people about. I am learning as well that my identity needs so much to be changed and planted in the new bedrock that Christ can provide. Its not easy, fun, or one of the things that I want to make a hobby of, but Christ continues to tell me that I am safe and he will continue to sustain me in the midst of what I think is the worst.

So I continue to marvel at the love he provides and I ask for more love from him so that I can give it away.

I ask for protection for Amy and I as we make the best decisions me can in the midst of the storms

I pray that we can know peace in our school endeavors and remain faithful to what we started so that a good work will be able worked out in each of us.

I seek out a mentor or person who can assist me in my future decision making regarding my strengths and weaknesses as a counselor. I am trying to figure it out on my own and I know that I need an outside mentor other than me to provide some mirroring and discovery as to what I am suited for in the coming months... even if I don't get this... ok... I am saying this because I am doubting... i am doubting that someone would be there for me... and that is wrong... so I pray for a renewed heart in the midst of doubt that God can provide a mentor for me.

I pray for additional revenue from my job or other opportunities to provide adequate means to be able to continue to meet goals that we are placing before the Lord.

I pray that God would allow me to find a good practicum sight where he can continue to shape me to the minister of love that I need to be.

I pray that I remain as a child in the lap and arms of Jesus so that I may know the vastness of what Jesus has done on the cross for me and that it would indwell me so fully that I will have a constant stream of living water flowing from my soul, my story and my life which will change the lives of others I know and seek to build with.

I pray that there would be a clear passage and definite intentional steps would take as a I finish school and complete the licensing. I ask that the Lord would truly use me to gain the credentialing and licensing that I need so that I might truly glorify him with the skills he has uncovered and allowed me to use wisely... May the Lord find me faithful as others find me faithful to use the abilities that are God given in me.

God you are good.

I love you,
Andrew